GET HELP HERE

Advice from the NSPCC

THIS is the guide EVERY parent must read to protect their children from the threat of paedophiles.

It comes from the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.

It gives advice on how to spot a child sex offender and how to tell if your little boy or girl is in danger.

It forms part of their Full Stop campaign to end all cruelty towards children.

Who are the paedophiles

They can be found in all professions at all levels of society and can sometimes hold powerful positions in the community.

They can come from any racial or religious background and will most often be known to you as a parent, relative, friend or acquaintance.

It is quite rare for a paedophile to be a complete stranger to the family.

They do not look different to other people and operate in a variety of ways.

Paedophiles can be very good at making friends quickly and appear warm and approachable.

They often come across as 'nice men' and this helps them to get close to parents and their children.

They are attracted to places, jobs and activities which allow them easy access to children.

Some paedophiles abuse their own children, step children, or other children within their own families.

Most sexual abuse happens within the family home and is carried out by someone well known to the child.

Paedophiles are sometimes women.

How do they operate

Paedophiles go to great lengths to get close to children.

They are often well organised, manipulative and sophisticated in the ways they attach themselves to families.

Parents are often convinced that the interest a paedophile is showing in their child is totally innocent.

Paedophiles often befriend hard-pressed parents facing difficulties.

Single parent families are particularly at risk.

Paedophiles may offer help with money, babysitting and emotional support.

They may even start a relationship with a parent or carer which could lead to them moving into the home.

They often try to win over a child with offers of gifts, outings and holidays.

A chilling fact is that many paedophiles deliberately pick their victims as those they consider most vulnerable.

They may have a preference for children of a particular age, sex, ethnic background or physique.

They may choose a child who is:

• Too trusting.
  
  
• Seeking love and affection.
  
  
• Lonely or bereaved.
  
  
• Shy or lacking in confidence.
  
  
• Being bullied.
  
  
• Eager to succeed at sport, in school or other interests which allow him or her to be manipulated by a potential abuser.
  
  
• In care or away from home.
  
  
• Disabled or unable to communicate well.
  
  
• Already a victim of abuse.

A paedophile will often carefully 'groom' a child for sexual abuse by starting with 'innocent' cuddling and introducing more serious abuse in stages.

At each stage, from cuddling to looking at pornography, to intimate touching, to full sex, it is drummed into the child that there is nothing wrong or bad about what is happening.

The final stage is to ensure the child's silence. Often the boy or girl's own guilt and embarrassment is turned back on them.

The paedophile may reinforce this with threats to the child or someone close to that child.

The paedophile may:

• Make a child believe he or she invited the abuse.
  
  
• Force a child to abuse another child, or use older children to exert peer pressure to keep other children quiet.

How can you spot a paedophile?

Be alert to any adult who pays an unusual amount of attention to your child.

Watch out for those that give your child gifts, toys or favours such as sweets, money, video games or day trips.

Also watch out for illicit gifts such as alcohol, cigarettes or drugs.

Question why an adult is seeking opportunities to be alone with your child.

Always carry out a careful check on anyone who is to have unsupervised contact with your child.

Find out as much as you can about baby-sitters.

Ask creches and activity groups what steps they take to protect children and deal with abuse.

Do not leave your child with someone you have reservations about.

Do not use unregistered child minders or foster parents.

What is child sexual abuse?

It is the use of children for the sexual pleasure and gratification of an adult.

Occasionally, children may be sexually abused by other children.

Both boys and girls are vulnerable from a very early age.

Sexual abuse covers a range of behaviour from flashing to sexual touching, sexual intercourse, the use of children in pornography and involving children in prostitution.

How can you tell if your child is being abused?

Signs that your child is being sexually abused may surface in physical, emotional and medical symptoms.

Your child may also tell you about the abuse and possibly 'test' your reaction by giving hints or clues.

For example, they may talk about being asked to 'keep a secret'.

REMEMBER: Changes in behaviour do not necessarily mean your child has been sexually abused.

But children who suffer sexual abuse may:

• Show aggressive behaviour, disturbed sleep or bed-wetting.
  
  
• Refuse to attend school or lack concentration - often linked to suddenly doing badly at school.
  
  
• Show unexpected fear of an adult or refuse to continue with their usual social activities.
  
  
• Display sexually explicit behaviour or language previously not used by the child.
  
  
• Have new relationships with other adults and children which are secretive and exclude others.
  
  
• Appear depressed, withdrawn, or suffer from ailments without any supporting medical explanation.

How do you keep your children safe?

• Make time for your children. Always listen carefully to their fears and concerns and let them know they should not be worried about telling you anything.
  
• Remember the Three Ws. You should know WHERE your children are, WHO they are with and agree a time WHEN they should return.
  
• Make sure your kids know where you are at all times and how to contact you.
  
• Be alert to any adult paying unusual attention to your child or giving them inappropriate presents.
  
• Be cautious about anyone who is looking after your children unsupervised and find out as much as you can about them.
  
• Your children need to know what is and what is not 'appropriate touching'. Do not be embarrassed. You must help them to understand what is unacceptable behaviour and they must always tell you if anyone, including a relative or friend, is behaving in a way which worries them.

Most important of all

Teach your children that it is quite right for them to refuse to do anything they think is wrong or that frightens them.

Explain the difference between 'good' and 'bad' secrets.

For example a 'good' secret could be not telling a friend about a surprise birthday party.

A 'bad' secret is anything which makes them feel unhappy or uncomfortable.

What should you do if your child says he or she has been abused?

• Listen to your child.
  
  
• You will be very upset, do not take it out on the child. Your child needs to know that it is not his or her fault. You should make it clear that you believe what they are saying.
  
  
• Let the child talk about what has happened but DO NOT put him or her under pressure to do so.
  
  
• Tell your child that he or she was right to talk to you. Do NOT tell him or her off if the abuse occurred because your child disobeyed you, for example, playing in an area you had told him or her to avoid.

What should you do if you suspect your child is being abused?

• If you wish, talk through your initial feelings of shock, embarrassment and anger with a trusted relative or friend.
  
• You cannot stop there as further action is needed.
  
• Call the free 24 hour NSPCC Child Protection Helpline on 0808 800 5000 to talk through the options, which include getting help for your child and reporting the abuser.
  
• Report your concerns directly to local professional services such as your doctor or health visitor. You can also contact the local police or social services department.
  
• YOU MUST NOT seek to confront the abuser by breaking the law yourself.

Finally:

• Keep a sense of perspective.
  
  
• The vast majority of people do not sexually abuse children so do not frighten or worry your children unduly.
  
  
• Follow the advice above and you will feel more secure in your ability to protect your child. At the same time you will help your children develop safe friendships with kind and caring adults without fear of sexual abuse.

* The 16-page booklet Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse in the Community, a guide for parents and carers, pictured right, is available from the NSPCC. Send a stamped, addressed envelope to: Publications and Information Unit, NSPCC National Centre, 42 Curtain Road, London, EC2A 3NH

© Copyright MORI/News of the World